The Titles We Claim

Queen. King. Princess. Princessa. Prince. The Duke. Duchess. Her Royal Highness or His Royal Highness (HRH). Boss Babe. Boss Bitch.

We’ve all come across people especially on social media who have bestowed upon themselves these titles of royalty. Along with bestowing royalty upon themselves, it isn’t lost on us that some call their close friends, family and fave celebrities, these titles too with the fun and frequent:

“Yaaass, Queen!” “I see you, Queen.” “Queens recognise Queens” or “Kings recognise Kings”

The most common titles we claim are those that correlate to royalty, even those that are associated with authority, for instance Boss Babe are common too.

Just and of course, lots of people have opinions on this (lots and lots of opinions), some of which come with questions like: “Who do you think you are?”, “Do you even know what a royal or authority figure is?” 🙄 The obvious answer to what royalty is points to monarchies; forms of government with a monarch at the head or people of royal blood or status that head kingdoms.

But those that claim titles of royalty and authority aren’t stupid. They know they aren’t heirs to kingdoms and territories that are attached to any monarchs. It’s quite ridiculous to remind people that they aren’t royalty because the only queens out there include Nnabagereka Nagginda of Buganda Kingdom, Queen Elizabeth II of the United Kingdom and the like.

We know, please and thank you!

Is there really anyone who claims titles of royalty because they are claiming that they have a lovely territory, subjects, servants and a castle at their disposal? Come on!

Of course, social media is the catalyst behind the widespread use of these titles but abeg, people know better. They have other reasons why they do what they do.

But first let’s explore why the peoples be hating on everyone who claims a title of royalty and authority for themselves.

Do the peoples hate it because…narcissism?

It’s not uncommon for people to immediately assume that you’re downright narcissistic the moment you call yourself a queen or king or boss. I guess that’s why they find it so cringe in the first place.

Because people who claim these titles address themselves in an elevated manner, many assume that they have an inflated sense of their own importance, a deep need for attention and admiration, and lack empathy for anyone else.

But is that truly the case?

Do the peoples hate it because…classism?

There’s so much vileness around ordinary people who live ordinary lives and go about their ordinary days in their ordinary jobs calling themselves queens and kings.

But why? 🤔Why is it okay for upper class elites to use these titles and not for the average and ordinary to do the same?

Why can’t a simple Nakawunde from Kiboga call herself a queen?

Nakawunde from Kiboga also deserves to see herself in a light that makes her feel powerful, beautiful and worthy. So why the exclusivity around who gets to use these titles?

“My women friends and I hate being called “Queen”. Because often times “Queen” is a way in which sexist men divide women into two categories: one category affords women respect, while the other category dehumanizes and denies women respect.” ObaaBoni, Ghana Feminism

ObaaBoni does have a point. Because the world we live in presents an intersectionality between sexism and classism, the peoples scorn those that refer to themselves as queens and kings simply as a means of demeaning their value.

It’s not them. It’s you.

Maybe the problem isn’t even with the people who call themselves queens and kings especially if they remain down-to-earth, courteous and generally respectful. Maybe the problem is the peoples who find it a problem. Maybe the peoples who find it creepy or cringy to call themselves royalty are projecting their own perceptions onto those that desire the use of titles.

Confidence is a beautiful thing, so is self-esteem and a deep sense of self-worth. We should encourage it and “love to see it”.

So, I think sometimes when society looks down on those that claim titles of royalty and authority it reflects more on them because the meanness really does beg a few questions:

• Why do the peoples get so pressed and agitated by someone being referred to as a king or queen or boss baddie?

• Do the peoples think it takes away from their sense of self?

• Do the peoples think that it means that the ones referred to as royalty are better than them? Worthier of love, adoration or attention?

• Why does this kind of confidence make the peoples uncomfortable?

What we don’t need while claiming titles

Unwarranted dominance. We shouldn't be asserting any level of dominance over other people with the assumption that we are somehow better and more deserving of love, opportunity or simply life.

Disrespect. Being a queen or king or baddie shouldn’t involve disregard for other people’s agency, space, time, individuality and agency.

Why it’s okay to claim whatever title you want for yourself

“To me, it means having abundance in my life and freedom from scarcity. The ability to do anything gracefully, live authentically and be loved. It means following my intuition to find what is “right” or “just.” A pretty good way to live, in my humble opinion.”

Christina Smith. 10 Things to Quit (and Do) to Be a Queen

I think Christina is right on the money with this. Being a queen, king, duke or duchess for some is a state of mind. For most it has nothing to do with the desire of stepping on anyone’s heads, necks or toes. It’s about building themselves up and affirming that self-worth that the world is always trying to snatch away from them. A lot of people out there have gone through a great share of nonsense in life and the one of the ways they pick themselves up is by using these coveted titles as their affirmations.

Don’t believe me?

Close your eyes! Imagine having people call you “Royalty”, “Queen”, “The Duke” and treating you as such. Treating you like you're worth the time, effort and space you occupy. Treating you with respect and honour with zero room for fuckery. It feels good doesn’t it. And so most people are doing this, to affirm themselves and others around them with the “Yaaass, queen!”

Claim it! Receive it! Believe it!

And if you’re still sour and bitter after learning that people do this more for themselves and not for the world, I’ve got one question: who hurt you?