Ba-people, WATAGWAN!!! Happe nu yah!
It’s 2022. Me as me, I’m just hoping that this is not a Part 3 to 2020’s movie because banange we are tayyad. But the way this Omarion is disturbing us.
Hene-way, let’s talk about how you could have survived January (and how to survive Feb because the hype in Uganda...eh!)
First things first, if you DID NOT plan for January and were busy Decembering-Decembering like January would not poke its head in your direction, you are already FINISHED. Chaps be crying in January because they suddenly think they have turned into Drake just YOLO-ing around Kampala. And now that the “economy has fully opened” and “we’re outside” again, you are extending your Decembering madness into Feb. Hehe! You will be humbled!
“Every time you leave the house, you’re spending money.” Violent Delights
The one cardinal rule of surviving January (and Feb too, because y’all are wilding) is to just be low key i.e. stop spending money you don’t have. Start seeing a bag of cement, a fridge filled with food, a car with a full tank of fuel, Yaka meter not beeping in whatever’s left in your bank account.
If you’re already feeling the pinch, yet you’ve only cashed this month’s paycheck, Child of God, just remove all the recreational activities from your calendar. Your calendar should only include work meetings, work trips. Zero swallowship. The parte isn’t going anywhere. While the rest of Kampala celebrates its “We Outside” Days because curfew ended, you should be at home…in bed. Because when you’re sleeping you’re not spending money you don’t have. Limit your dreams to things that involve making money not spending money. Tell your spirit, “Kakana! Let’s wait for the end of Feb, March, maybe Easter…around there.”
A word of advice: let’s not find ourselves back here at the beginning of 2023. You have to start saving for the December-January period in August. Don’t get caught slipping!
Bonus tip: This is not the time to travel upcountry to visit your extended family. If you thought stepping out of the house creates holes in your pockets, then you haven’t seen what traveling upcountry will do…holes in your spirit. Just don’t do it. Wait until March.
January is hands-down the hottest month of the year. Temperatures were hitting 31 Degrees. The rains have come, yes, but this weather is not on our clock. It listens to no one…except for maybe the rain makers 🤔. For all we know, the sun is trying to get rid of us. So, fight back the only way you can:
Stay home if you’re not out making money (besides...the Omarion variant is still out there just popping, locking and break-dancing in people’s lungs and throats)
Use an umbrella. They weren’t made for only the rain. They are quite literally a shield that you hold over your head.
Hydrate like your life depends on it because it does. Drink that water like it’s trendy because it should be. Chug that water like you’ve been dared because the sun really has dared you to not drink water and see what happens.
Hydrate your skin too. This is the time when you could get real ashy real quick. You can’t be out on these streets, sweating, panting and ashy. No please. Jesus didn’t die on the cross and wipe away your sins only for you to stay ashy. Hydrate that skin then lock it in with some Vaseline or Shea Butter if you must.
Did I mention the sun is trying to kill us? If you’re still part of the “black people don’t need sunscreen” crew, tis okay the sun will deal with you. Don’t get fried and burnt for nothing.
And yes, I know I said that you shouldn’t be using money you don’t have but make that money appear for that sunscreen. Wave that wand harder than you’ve ever waved it for that SPF 50+. There are lots of pocket friendly options that you can use for the whole body these days. Wear that sunscreen!
If you decide not to pay attention to any of this, tis O.K. You’ll still survive. Because that’s what Ugandans have mastered. Surviving. Like we always say on the Can We Talk platform: STAR TAFFA!