10 Types of Women You are Likely to Meet In Kampala

Is this list exhaustive? No! But if you were to turn this into a drinking game in which everyone takes a shot for every person they can name under these categories…things would get messy.

The Mayor

Do you know those people who can’t walk five steps without stopping to say hello to someone?

That’s the mayor.

She knows everyone in Kampala, from high rollers and big executives to bartenders to boda guys in specific areas to the best hair braiders and everyone in between from all walks of life.

She has a story for how she got to know each of these people but it all comes down to how friendly and approachable she is. She makes most people feel free to open up and at home. She’s the one who knows a guy who knows a guy and not just in Kampala and if anyone needs help she’s either there for you or knows who to call.

The Matchmaker

How many matches does it take before she gets it right?

There is no limit.

She might get it right. She might not. 😏But this one knows people from all sorts of circles and for some reason, she really wants you to be in a relationship. You play along because where’s the harm. The problem is that when your shallow and vain self asks, “Is he cute?” she has the audacity to reply, “He’s nice.” She will quickly add, “He’s funny.” 🙄 Ma’am, you did not answer my question. Sure enough, when you meet “your match”. Jesus wept! 😪

It’s not him. It’s you. You know that there’s no way in heaven or hell, not even for the sake of a green card, that this man would be perfect for you. But Madam Matchmaker will be giggling, smiling and excited that you’re going out on a date. When you turn down the “match” she picked for you, she will harass you until she finds someone else.

The Mother

Did your dress rip and you need a safety pin? She’s got some in her purse. Do you need to fix your hair? She has extra bobby pins. Is someone ashy? She has some vaseline and lotion. Did you forget to carry something warm and now you’re freezing? She has an extra scarf or jacket in the car and yes, it will work with your outfit. Do you have a headache? She has painkillers. Yes, she’s even got a condom if you need one or two.

She’s out here being Wonder Woman from Najjera. She might take it too far and ask when you plan to get married, when you plan on losing or gaining some more weight, when you plan to have kids. But overall, she’s got your back. And yes, she will fight that one guudu who wants to get violent after you turned him down at the bar.

The One Who Arrives with Just Vibes

The gang has been planning to meet for lunch or drinks. You’ve had some time to plan this and make sure nothing messes up your meet. Then little missy comes with her vibes and no cash to sort out her own bills.

🤔 We are confusion. Sometimes she might talk about how she thought everything was “on the house”, or she’ll use this as the opportune moment to talk about how money has been hard lately even though sis has fresh nails and fresh hair do. We repeat, 🤔we are confusion.

The One That’s All about Her Man

We all know that one friend who disappears when she has a boyfriend and reappears when they’ve broken up. You probably have a mental picture of her. Yup, she’s the one we’re talking about here.

When you invite her to go out for lunch, it’s all about, “I have plans with boo.” When you want to go visit her, it’s “Boo is coming over.” There’s no one else who can take priority or space except for…(you guessed it)…le boo. And yes, you’ve rolled your eyes so many times. And yes, we are all tired.

When she gets married, nothing much changes. The language just switches up a bit. “I have to go make dinner for hubby.” “Hubby is all alone. He might be lonely.” “I have to go home, hubby misses me.” But at least then she has some time, (please note, some time) in her schedule for her friends too.

Why? Because she misses her friends and also maybe because she finally bagged the man and has the ring to prove it.

The Fun One

She might know all the trendy dance moves. She might know all the recent music by heart. She knows all the new spots in town and out of town; the best places to eat and party. She knows a guy who can get you free tickets or some type of perks including how to get into Christmas Cantata without lining up.

Sometimes you don’t know what to expect from this one. She might dance on a table. You might turn around and notice she found her way to the VIP section rubbing shoulders with the “who’s who or Kampala”.